Blog Azeroth Shared Topic: Relationships in guild

Hi all,

The community over at http://www.blogazeroth.com (started by an idea from Naithin of http://www.tankntree.com) have come up with another shared topic, this time it’s a discussion to send into the blogosphere on relationships in guild, my first thoughts when I read that title was to think about who my immediate friends and family are in the guild, then try to think about how the rest of the guild link in with them. I know that for the majority we are a close knit bunch and that sometime we don’t make is as easy for new members as we could because it’s always harder to fit into an already established dynamic than it is to be there at the start and help to create it. But moving the topic into broader horizons on some observations from the Blog Azeroth folks it’s not just about your friends, family and wow buddies, it’s about how you react to everyone inside the game and how they react to you. Our relationships with people define how we are perceived and how we behave as a consequence, or is it the other way around? I’m never quite sure, in reality though I think it’s a bit of both.

Who’s who in WoW for me

Well just to put things in context a little bit I’ll let you folks know that I have some significant people in the guild, both from real life and people I feel like the game would be far poorer without the presence of. I have my fiancé , my brother who’s our GM and my future sis in law. There are also about 7-8 core players who I feel like have been around for ages who I would consider friends and welcome into my home if they were in the area. These people really make up a big part of why I enjoy what I do and want to log in. I wont start naming people because inevitably I will forget someone and feel really guilty about it so I’m not going to make that mistake ;)

The pressure of a guild

Let’s make no mistakes about this, being in a guild with family can cause some strife sometimes, especially if your in a position like Raid Leader or officer. Being able to diffuse situations and knowing when to treat these people exactly the same as any other guildy is really important, it’s not often that they put you in the position but every now and again something comes up and you have to be a little more blunt and direct than you would prefer to be with these people. I’ve been known on occasion to have to give our GM and my own brother a bit of a talking to for being the last one back from afk or from a res, I’ve even had to tell him to pull his socks up and concentrate once or twice. I’ve had to tell my own better half that her tanking wasn’t very good on a particular night, that led to a bit of animosity for a few hours but that died down pretty quickly. For me it’s clear cut, I don’t mess around when I have my RL hat on, I say what I need to say to get the job done no matter who it is, but I am very conscious that I don’t want to upset the people that I hold in high regard and are an important part of my real life so treating them with respect is an absolute must (you should with anyone but especially these people). What I tried to explain to some people last night was that we all need to make efforts not to let WoW spill outside of game to real life, after all is it the end of the world or any impact on a relationship if someone stands on a fire or gets killed? No it isn’t. Once the raid is over one thing I make sure is that I have my RL hat firmly off and be sure to put the kettle on or make phone calls to ensure things are ok. The in game friends are easier to manage in that kind of situation, as long as your not rude most of them understand your just doing your job, even if they don’t like what your saying. After all I’ve built up these friendships over time, so I must be doing something right and they must to a certain extent, appreciate my direct approach and honesty. Maybe I’m way off the mark and they don’t, but it’s something that you have to believe in to have the confidence to lead.

The comfort of a guild

I have a full time job, a house, a family including a 20 month old baby daughter, a couple of websites and projects and a very time consuming hobby in WoW. Let’s face it sometimes life will throw other things into the mix and with limited time in the day it can be a nightmare to balance. WoW sometimes has to be pushed back an hour or day when needed and there are few people that are more forgiving and who understand that than my own friends and family in the guild. They know that the priorities of life sometimes kick in, I’m pretty good at balancing things, or at least I think I am, but they are the ones that give me the buffer zone that I sometimes need to sort out a last minute issue before logging in. It doesn’t happen very often, but when it does, they know it’s important. That’s comforting, to know that your not going to be frowned on or lose your place in the guild, penalised too heavily or excluded because you didn’t make a raid, or didn’t make one on time. It relaxing, that’s why we are a casual guild of friends and family who stick together, it’s certainly not a raid 5 times a week kind of pressure. If I’m a bit down in the dumps, feeling a little stressed or just being a complete idiot then they will pick up on that and either make jokes, ask me what’s wrong or even tell me to just stfu and stop being a prat! Only a few of them get away with doing the last part but when they do it, I tend to listen because it’s not exactly a regular occurance. Now my brother and his missus live about an hour or so in the car away from me and my missus, so while we chat on the phone or by email some of the interaction we have is through WoW, time that is well spent in my opinion and one of the reasons why I play. When guildies don’t agree

How many times has this happened, one person doesn’t agree with something another said or did? Normally one of the parties will have a rage and eventually they will either sort it out or one will leave with a big /ragequit and probably regret it 5 minutes later. I keep saying to people who have a head to head with another guildy that they shouldn’t underestimate the power of a drama, guilds without a bit of drama are lifeless. That being said we don’t want people to quit, so it’s important for me that we all chat and can express our opinions even if others don’t like it. We have to be able to agree to disagree and sometimes go as far as keeping certain thoughts to ourselves. But above all remember that one idiot doesn’t make a whole guild, before you jump ship and make that mistake make sure you chat to officers first, maybe you have more support than you thought. It’s happened to me recently, a member dropped guild and I thought it was a massive mistake, just because someone doesn’t agree with you doesn’t mean that you have to bail, get a thick skin, stand up and be counted but know when your just not going to force someone to think like you do.

My friends list

I dunno about most people but I can honestly say my friends list isn’t that large, maybe that sounds a bit sad but in truth it isn’t. My friends list is pretty selective, and while I like the majority of people I might pug with outside of the guild there only a few I would actively seek out before the rest. The ones that I think are funny and I have a good rapport with and the ones that I find are decisive but not intolerant. One thing writing this has actually made me think about though is that it’s possibly a mistake that I don’t use my friends list a bit more often, at least to keep a list of decent players or people that I should be recruiting or running with more often. I think I’ll take that away as one of my things to change and see what happens. My ignore list

Pretty full, in fact full about 3 times over, I don’t have a massive tolerance for rudeness and I tend to make my life simpler by adding folks to ignore when I need to, if only for a short while. What can I say about this, if someone is really that bad that they need to go on the ignore list, give them both barrels, without swearing much then stick them on ignore. I’m not there to trade insults, if I don’t hear their response then in my mind I’ve had the last word. Get orf my screen ya little scrote.

Being polite to spammers

I get whispered once or twice a day, excuse me, sorry to bother you, we have xxx amount of gold on this server do you need any? Let’s be fair, it’s polite and it’s straight to the point, I don’t have to read multiple spam messages in trade and I can reply directly and say thanks but no thanks. Do I care that they are selling gold? Not really, do I indorse buying it, no I certainly don’t. Do I live in the real world and understand it’s going to happen with or without me? Yes I do. No point getting irate over something that is absolutely outside of my control, all I can do is continue not to support that industry and be polite at the same time, it’s most likely that the character on the end of the whisper is automated or if not then they are just doing a job so no need to be nasty about things.

Dealing with GQuitters

Don’t offend them, don’t hold it against them and don’t be rude and nasty. So they have decided they want to move on, I’ve had tons of people that have done that and come back again and been a real asset to the team, I actually like some of these people, they just aren’t the type to settle down for long periods of time or they kind of person that thinks the grass is always greener. Keep them on hand in case you need their help, they can still be a resource and you never know when they might realise their mistake!

Final Thoughts

Above all folks just be polite but stick to your guns, use the power of words to get your point across but don’t expect everyone to agree, choose who you spend your time with and make sure you prioritise your real life relationships over your in game ones. How you portray yourself in game really does make a difference to how you get treated and sooner or later some of the attitudes will merge between real life and WoW life. Look after me and I will look after you, if you don’t, then there are millions of other players for me to chill with.

Well folks that’s my response to the shared topic, I’ll be interested in what other folks have to say and reading up. I’ll add links to other posts as they get published. Cheers all

Cyb.


Other posters of the shared topic:

Jaedia from The Lazy Sniper

Ophelie from The Bossy Pally and the Giant Spoon

Windsoar from Jaded Alt

Cybac from Raid Leader

Phyl from WoW and Me

AngryAlt of Angry Alt

Anea of Anea

Naithin of Tank ‘n’ Tree

Cassandri of Hots and Dots

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